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iLLuMiNa
2007
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ahh... It's been 1 and a half weeks. Tmr will be the 3rd time in 1 and a half weeks if we meet. Bought tickets for the 'Da Vinci Code' just now for tmr at 7.55pm Cineleisure. Dunno whether he will come or not. Heh. No reply yet. Oh well, probably i'll just trash the tix or get someone else to go with me i guess. Suddenly i feel depressed. I need some company. Someone i can talk to, someone i feel comfortable with. Definitely not my mom. She's sitting behind me mugging for some history exam now. I feel so uncomfortable with her around. Not that i'm afraid of her finding out i'm gay but how will her reaction will be. Sad, disappointed, hysterical? I dunno. Therefore i feel so restricted around her (and any family members around for that matter). I think i'll be suicidal come july. All my close friends are leaving for overseas. I've no one else around for me anymore. Who will i look for to talk to when i'm depressed? Even if they can't help, at least someone's there to console me, drink with me, accompany me. Who's gonna take over? I absolutely detest the scene now. I hate them. Sigh. Sometimes i hate myself too. Why am i even gay!!?? LOL. Someone up there's playing a trick on us, i swear. There's so much hate in me now, so much doubt. Mr C told me about the symptoms of someone with suicidal tendencies, and that i don't exhibit it. Somehow, i think this post is gonna change that perspective? Compare this to Celexter's blog.

Sigh. I dunno. I'm sick and tired of everything. LOL. I'm getting emo. If i don't have friends, i dunno what can i do. sighhhzzz....

11:19 PM

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