iLLuMiNa - Be a good boy.

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iLLuMiNa

2007

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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Ooo i'm phuckin' bord. Therefore you see this post. Or else i won't even bother to blog. I'm am soooo phuckin' bord, i never knew anyone could be this bord! (Burst) LOL. I'm really phuckin' bord. Uber sianzation, dunno what's going on wit my life too. Can't seem to be able to make a decision about my life. It's like, i've alrd decided i wanna be gay, but i seemed to be backtracking to that particular x-rds of my life. Or rather more like a Y-junction. Either i go be a closet-case and lock all the gayness in me in some god-forsaken closet, or try to be str8 and ruin some nice girl's life, or go enjoy my gay lifestyle and get smited by god. Biang. Dead. LOL. It's soooo phuckin' hilarious how my friends say that. And i didn't know how the hell and why the hell would i say that. But i said it in my drunken stupor anyway. Wadeva. I too declared my gayness to the whole world! But who cares, not like i know them or what or they're gonna recognise me on the streets. I'll be flattered if they do recognise me cos i made such a big impact in their lives. Oh well, i'm a chao ah gua and so what's the big deal. I'm a mal-adjusted chao ah gua who like most other mal-adjusted chao ah gua has a bone to pick with themselves. The professionals term it as depression. But but but, i'm not depressed. I'm just phuckin' bord wit my life so i find fault with myself. Too much free time on my hands ya. I like to think why am i such a lousy piece of crapshit that nobody bothers about (Family and close friends not included) and like even if i disappear nobody cares. Sometimes I hope i can rewire my brain to stop thinking about such things. I totally hate that feeling. ARGH!! But if i could rewire my brain, i'll rewire it in such a way that i'll be str8 and have 1 less thing to bother about. It's not like i choose to like guys or what. It's just a feeling that comes onto me. WTF. It's like those sneaky rogues in WoW that stealths, goes behind you and WHAM! you're dead kind of feeling.
Anyway, the question now is whether should i actively go pursuit that which i want, or actively stop myself from pursuing that which i want. Guys please leave some comment. Thanks for reading this shit.

10:54 AM

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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Ooo i'm phuckin' bord. Therefore you see this post. Or else i won't even bother to blog. I'm am soooo phuckin' bord, i never knew anyone could be this bord! (Burst) LOL. I'm really phuckin' bord. Uber sianzation, dunno what's going on wit my life too. Can't seem to be able to make a decision about my life. It's like, i've alrd decided i wanna be gay, but i seemed to be backtracking to that particular x-rds of my life. Or rather more like a Y-junction. Either i go be a closet-case and lock all the gayness in me in some god-forsaken closet, or try to be str8 and ruin some nice girl's life, or go enjoy my gay lifestyle and get smited by god. Biang. Dead. LOL. It's soooo phuckin' hilarious how my friends say that. And i didn't know how the hell and why the hell would i say that. But i said it in my drunken stupor anyway. Wadeva. I too declared my gayness to the whole world! But who cares, not like i know them or what or they're gonna recognise me on the streets. I'll be flattered if they do recognise me cos i made such a big impact in their lives. Oh well, i'm a chao ah gua and so what's the big deal. I'm a mal-adjusted chao ah gua who like most other mal-adjusted chao ah gua has a bone to pick with themselves. The professionals term it as depression. But but but, i'm not depressed. I'm just phuckin' bord wit my life so i find fault with myself. Too much free time on my hands ya. I like to think why am i such a lousy piece of crapshit that nobody bothers about (Family and close friends not included) and like even if i disappear nobody cares. Sometimes I hope i can rewire my brain to stop thinking about such things. I totally hate that feeling. ARGH!! But if i could rewire my brain, i'll rewire it in such a way that i'll be str8 and have 1 less thing to bother about. It's not like i choose to like guys or what. It's just a feeling that comes onto me. WTF. It's like those sneaky rogues in WoW that stealths, goes behind you and WHAM! you're dead kind of feeling.
Anyway, the question now is whether should i actively go pursuit that which i want, or actively stop myself from pursuing that which i want. Guys please leave some comment. Thanks for reading this shit.

10:54 AM

|