It's been a hectic weekend. Been helping out for Trevvy's launch parties held at Attica and Tabs. So i've been heading down to their office pretty frequently these days (just a few bus stops from my house anyway). Been helping to pack the goodie bags over the weekend then helping them to transport it to Attica yesterday. Well, i wasn't paid for it but i was kinda doing it on Mirantz's account since he has been giving me freebies. Well i enjoyed helping out anyway, gave me a sense of accomplishment and that time wasn't wasted just like that.
Back to the main point of my post, I actually met this 18yo guy who was helping out too. Well, ok i found him cute. Ok, i think i liked him. Make that I like him. He has that geeky look which I seem to find VERY VERY attractive lol. (Yeah, i've something for geeky looking guys so if you think nobody likes you if you're geeky looking you know who to find. ;P) Well nothing transpired on friday night(first meeting). Got along with him pretty easily(no mean feat for people like me) and he was pretty interesting. Well i enjoyed myself that night pretty much. Fast forward to Sunday @ Attica. He told his parents he would be staying over at his friend's place, which wasn't actually confirmed. Well, being the gentlemanly and gallant me, i offered him to lodge at my place, considering nobody's at home and i've my own room. (NO HANKY PANKY THOUGHTS IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING) Actually, i just wanted to have him to myself, have a conversation to get to know him better and all that bullshit blah blah blah. Well, after clubbing he had to drag 2 other kids along. Ok la.. they're ok but i felt violated. (GREAT PLAN GOES UP IN FLAMES BOOHOO!!!) Not being the gentlemanly and gallant me to deny shelter for kids who may end up loitering and meeting bad influences, of course i welcomed them with outstretched arms, albeit unwillingly. Well if it was only one, i could've dictated the motions of conversation and movement. Not so if there are 3 kids and 1 me. I was overwhelmed by them. No conversation at all, they were just surfing Trevvy.com and friendster and oogling and giggling, I felt like the odd one out. Being the nice gentlemanly and gallant me, i offered my bed to them to rest. So I didn't have a bed to sleep in, and I just stoned on the floor. I was catatonic, drifting in and out of consciousness. I could hear giggling and talking but I didn't really catch what was going on. Well they kinda fell asleep but then again they woke up suddenly. And surfin the net till like 8am, when they felt sleepy. Well since they're awake it would be better for them to go. If they slept at 8am, what time would they wake up? Anyway, depression after the alcoholic high kicked in. I was feeling terrible, and i was gripped by insanity. I was feeling extremely vulnerable and lonely. Then I tried to sleep but all I thought of was that guy. And thinking of ways and means to date him out. Couldn't really sleep too. I was nervous and waiting for him to come online (each time my msn goes *DING* i'll jump up and see if it was him). Until the afternoon, I finally got to see him online. Ok, I popped the question to him in a very direct way. YES or NO answer type. And..... IT WAS A NO! Haha.. Well i wasn't upset or anything. I actually felt relieved, like a burden removed from me. Maybe i've been single for too long. I've forgot how to deal with another person in my life. I don't wanna fall into that cycle of "christmas, birthday, new years, valentines then it's over kind" of relationship anyway and it seemed pretty much like it.
I can't tell what's real and what's desperation anymore. Seems like I will like someone in a group of people i'm meeting for the first time. Definitely not a coincidence. Therefore I can only pinpoint it to desperation I guess. Oh man. I'm
scroood big time.